Shannon

You Should Reread That Book You Hated in School

Can you imagine getting to read some Bradbury or Steinbeck and not having to write a five page double-spaced essay on it?

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Relatively speaking, thirteen billion years is a little early.

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Sometimes the best thing for your problems is a nice cup of tea.

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Never trust dudes who hate cats. And who isolate you from all your friends.

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Don’t ever look up videos of humans with rabies. Just…don’t.

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Cannot stress enough that this is a comedy piece and not something I’m actually preaching.

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When someone asks you, “Is that glass bulletproof?” The correct response is, “No, sir,” and to immediately start firing at said glass.

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This first time I saw her I don’t think she saw me. But this ain’t about that.

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This is very stupid.

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Carl Vance was ready for the end of the world. What he wasn’t ready for was whatever any of this shit is.

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