Shannon

You Should Reread That Book You Hated in School

Can you imagine getting to read some Bradbury or Steinbeck and not having to write a five page double-spaced essay on it?

Relatively speaking, thirteen billion years is a little early.

Sometimes the best thing for your problems is a nice cup of tea.

Never trust dudes who hate cats. And who isolate you from all your friends.

Don’t ever look up videos of humans with rabies. Just…don’t.

Cannot stress enough that this is a comedy piece and not something I’m actually preaching.

When someone asks you, “Is that glass bulletproof?” The correct response is, “No, sir,” and to immediately start firing at said glass.

This first time I saw her I don’t think she saw me. But this ain’t about that.

This is very stupid.

Carl Vance was ready for the end of the world. What he wasn’t ready for was whatever any of this shit is.