Video Journal of a Mad Woman, WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS

Entry 11


Private YouTube Video titled WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS continued, uploaded by user Michelle1980 on December 25th, 2015.

Michelle enters the house. It is small, and there are toys strewn about. The living room is next door to the front hall. There is a Christmas tree with presents underneath. The fireplace is going, and the television is on, showing the football game. As Toby closes the door he calls into the house.

Toby: Hey, Merry? Come see who’s here!

A woman Toby’s age comes into the hall, presumably from the kitchen. She had red hair in a braid, and is wearing sweat pants and an ugly Christmas sweater. Her face lights up when she sees Michelle.

Meredith: Michelle! Holy hell, what are you doing here?

Meredith hugs Michelle, making the camera go dark and the sound fuzz.

Meredith: Wow, you’re cold! Is this all you’re wearing? Do you want a sweater? I have a bunch.

Michelle: No, I’m good, I’m good. Long car ride, that’s all. It smells delicious in here.

Meredith: Come on, come say hi to the boys and get some dinner.

Michelle follows Meredith and Toby back through the hall, which does lead to the kitchen. Three boys are sitting at the kitchen table. One looks to be roughly fifteen, the middle child about ten, and the youngest about eight. When they see Michelle they all launch out of their seats, surrounding her for individuals hugs.

There follows close to an hour of the family and Michelle catching up and eating. The family is eating. Michelle continues to tell Meredith she is not hungry and doesn’t eat anything. Finally, while the kids start clearing the table, Michelle pulls Toby aside.

Michelle: Can we talk? Alone?

Toby: It’s a vacation, Michelle, I’m not-

Michelle: It’s not work. Not exactly.

Toby (intrigued): Okay, fine. Merry, we’ll be right back.

Toby brings Michelle around to the living room. Michelle closes the door between the two rooms. When she turns back to Toby, he has an eyebrow raised.

Toby: What’s with the secrecy?

Michelle: How do I look to you?

Toby: Skinny and mean, as always.

Michelle: No, it’s a real question. How do I look to you?

Toby actually takes a second to look her over. After four seconds, he shrugs.

Toby: I don’t know, like you usually do! I guess sort of pale. Really pale. Where the hell have you been?

Michelle: Montana.

Toby: Montana in winter? Yeah, that’ll do it.

Michelle: You don’t see anything else worth commenting on?

Toby: No. Michelle, fucking loop me in because I’m at a loss her.

Michelle: Do you remember that conversation we had in Toledo? At that bar in the bowling alley?

Toby looks at her quizzically. He opens his mouth to say something and then shuts it. It is clear from the way his face changes that he has remembered the conversation Michelle is referencing. His eyes grow wide and begin to dart all over her. He glances toward the door behind her, toward the kitchen. He takes a step back.

Toby: You didn’t.

Michelle: I did.

Toby is a man in shock. He takes a few more steps back until he finds the couch. He sits down hard. Behind Michelle, the rest of his family is laughing as they clean. Toby stares at her for twelve seconds, before finally saying something.

Toby: And you came here?

Michelle: Toby-

Toby: To my family? What are you trying to do?

Michelle: I’m showing you that I’m okay. And I am. I just had a whole meal with your family, and nothing bad happened. I kept control.

Toby wipes his mouth with his hand. He’s practically hyperventilating.

Toby: When?

Michelle: I did this back in October, Toby. Two months ago. I’ve been working on control, okay? That’s all I’ve been doing. And it’s been two months. Two. Months.

Toby (raising an eyebrow): And you haven’t…?

Michelle: No. Not once.

Instead of this information calming Toby down, Toby now looks even more panicked. He stands up quickly. He takes a single step toward Michelle. His eyes dart to he fireplace before going back to her.

Toby: You have to leave. Now.

Michelle: Toby-

Toby: Get out, Michelle. I’m not kidding. If you leave now…if you leave my family…I won’t call the others. I’ll just let you leave.

Michelle: Call the others? Toby, you’re not listening to me. I’m fine. I’m stable. I don’t need blood!

Toby: Yes, you do! My God. You asked me if I remember the conversation in Toledo. Do you?

Michelle: What does that mean?

Toby: It means just that – do you actually remember the conversation?

Michelle (hesitation in her voice): Of course I do! Most of it, anyway. The gist. We had been drinking-

Toby: No, because if you even remembered the gist you wouldn’t have done this stupid, stupid thing.

Michelle: Toby, you’re not…fucking…listening to me. I haven’t had any blood! I haven’t touched anyone. The addiction is the dangerous part, and I’ve got it handled. As long as I don’t touch anything…

Toby starts laughing. It is impossible to determine emotions in the laugh. Similarly, Toby’s face is completely blank.

Toby: …addiction…addiction.

Michelle: What?

Toby: Michelle, you need to leave. Now. We can talk about this later. Over the phone. I need to process. Okay? Later.

Michelle gathers herself up, and appears to be getting ready to go. She takes a few steps toward the front door, but stops in the door frame to the hallway. She turns back to Toby, who is now standing up.

Michelle: You know, I knew the others weren’t going to accept this as a success right away. I knew I’d have to convince them. I just thought I’d have you next to me to help.

Toby: Michelle, please-

Michelle: Don’t please me, for fuck’s sake. We’re supposed to partner’s Toby. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs.

Toby: Don’t give me that shit. If we were partners you would have told me what you were doing. You knew I would react this way, that’s why you did it in secret.

Michelle: Because I knew this would be your reaction! I knew you’d think I was a failure, just like you always do. I know you make calls behind my back to the others. Telling them all about how you to save poor little Michelle again.

Toby: What? I-

Michelle: She just got away from me again, running off to save the day! She thinks she’s so strong but really she’s just a nuisance! You were never my partner, you were my fucking babysitter!

Michelle is fully screaming now, loud enough to ruin the audio. Toby is taking steps back toward the kitchen. The door to the kitchen opens enough for one of his kids to stick his head in. He’s quickly yanked back and the door slammed shut.

Toby: Michelle, please. Just go. We’ll talk about it-

Michelle: Talk about it when you’re ready. It’s always about you.

Toby: I don’t know what you’re talking about! Please, Michelle, it’s the heightened emotions, that’s all. They’re messing with your brain. You have to calm down. You have to-

Michelle: That’s where you’re wrong, Toby. I don’t have to do anything anymore. This world sucks, but fuck it! I’m not a part of it! I’m above it. I can go faster, see farther, I can-

Michelle doubles over in pain, groaning as she bends at the waist. The phone falls from her shirt, flipping so the camera is pointed at the ceiling.

Toby: Michelle?

Michelle: Ughhh….Toby? My stomach, I…

Toby: You need to leave. Now.

Michelle: Leave? Leave? You see me in pain like this and you WANT ME TO LEAVE?

There is a blur as Michelle lunges over the phone and across the room. Toby screams.

The next six minutes is a cacophony of sounds, mostly screams and things breaking. Occasionally something moves over the camera, but for the most part all we can see is the ceiling. After four minutes, the ceiling is sprayed with blood. Some of it drips near the phone, but not on it.

Everything becomes quiet again. There are footsteps. They come toward the camera. Michelle appears in the frame. She is splattered with blood. Her canine teeth have turned into fangs and lay over her bottom lip. Her skin is no longer pale. It is pink, and glowing. She does not stop for the phone, or even notice its there. The footsteps continue away from the camera, presumably toward the front door.

Michelle: You made me this.

The sound of the front door opening and closing. The shot of ceiling stays for another thirty seconds.

The scene then cuts to one of Toby’s sons holding the phone in front of him. He appears to be a basement. Based on the earlier conversation at the dinner table, we know his name is Chris. He is a teenager, around fifteen. He has short red hair and is wearing a hoodie. His eyes are blank as he speaks.

This is my third attempt at recording this. I just want to be done.

I found this phone before the cops came. I hid it. There wasn’t much in it at all, she obviously didn’t use it for much. But I found the YouTube account. I found her other videos.

I thought they were federal marshals.

Chris stares at the camera for eight seconds, breathing heavily.

I don’t know what my mom thought. She’s dead. Dad and Connor, too. I didn’t see any of it. I heard some of it. I heard Michelle screaming. And then I heard Dad…I don’t know what came over me. I grabbed Kyle and ran out the sliding door in the back. Just kept running. Kyle was screaming. He wanted to go back. I had to pick him up. Doctors say I have bruised ribs from the way he was kicking me.

When we came back, they were dead, and she was gone. Blood everywhere.

I thought they were marshals. I didn’t know any of this was real.

I watched all the videos. I would have thought it was some stupid fake show if she hadn’t…

There are others. She talks about others, in her videos. I wonder if they’ll come for us. If they even know what happened. I don’t know who they are, so I can’t contact them. But they better come find us. We’re at my grandparents now, only a few blocks away. I don’t know what Dad told them, but…

If they don’t find us, I’m taking all of these videos and turning them to public. Maybe figure out how to shorten a few, get them on TikTok. Make them go viral until they see and come.

I don’t understand what the fuck happened. But I’m going to.

And I’m going to find Michelle.

Video ends here.


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