Video Journal of a Mad Woman, Entry 9

Entry 8

Private YouTube Video titled Journal Entry 9, uploaded by user Michelle1980 on November 10th, 2015.

Same lobby. The lights are on. The furniture has been cleared away. There are marks and some holes in the walls.

Michelle looks better than the last video. Sober. Very pale. Hair in a pony tail, wearing her jacket. She is smiling as she puts the camera on, but it is not the over-sized grins of before. It is a very calm smile.

Okay, so, it’s been a week since I made that last video. I decided to hold off on making any more for a while to get my feet back under me. I watched it the next morning. Most of it, anyway, I was cringing halfway through. Just posted it. Maybe I’ll be able to watch the whole thing someday, after all of this comes out.

Oh, yeah. Vampires do get hangovers, by the way. Bad ones. I poured out the rest of my booze. Not worth it. I’ve been trying other stuff. Meditation, mostly. Yoga. I used to love yoga, anyway, so it’s nice to get back into it. Now when the stomach cramps come, I’m able to work my way through them. I can keep it together. But, I’m alone up here, right? Not really a good way to test?

The image cuts to Michelle outside in a well-lit parking lot.

I’ve been needing some stuff anyway, so let’s see how well I do in here!

She turns around to reveal a twenty-four hour Walmart. The parking lot is mostly empty but as she focuses on the front door there are a couple of people going in and out and an employee sweeping snow from in front of the exit.

I’m not going to stay long. Going to get in, get what I need, and get out. Nothing fancy. No talking to people I don’t have to. This is just about being around people and seeing how I manage the stomach cramps. Ready? Let’s go.

The scene cuts again. The phone is now in the child seat of a blue shopping cart, facing up at Michelle pushing it. The Walmart is like any other Walmart in America – high ceilings, fluorescent lights, and tinny pop music occasionally interrupted by an incomprehensible announcement over the PA.

For the next three minutes Michelle doesn’t do much talking. She is shopping. Occasionally she looks at the camera and either smiles at it or winks. These are usually following passing another person in an aisle. Besides looking pale she otherwise appears fine. There are a lot of cuts, indicating that the time spent shopping in the Walmart took a lot longer than three minutes.

After the last cut, Michelle drops something into the cart, looks around the aisle, and then leans into the phone.

Okay, last thing! The only thing left to do is check out. They have self-checkouts here but I’m going through with a person. I need to talk to someone to really see how I’ll do. The door is right there, I can bail if I have to. Otherwise, so far, no cramps, no cravings, no…teeth. Anyway, let’s do it!

Without cutting, Michelle pushes her cart out of the aisle, presumably toward the front of the store. She gets only a few steps before something whizzes by her. All the camera picks up on is a dark shape rushing by the side of the cart and the sound of a child giggling. Then, a voice calls from behind Michelle.

Unidentified Male Voice: Tyler! What did I just freaking say about riding that in here so fast! Get back here before-

But it’s too late. Michelle’s eyes get big at the same time a crashing sound reaches the phone. Then a child – presumably Tyler – starts crying, practically screaming. Her face becomes concerned and she begins pushing the cart forward at a fast clip, apparently trying to reach the child to help.

Unidentified Female Voice: Oh, dear. You poor thing!

Second Unidentified Male Voice: Look at his arm! He must have scraped it up on the aisle cap.

Michelle freezes. Despite how bright it is in the store her pupils dilate. Her mouth starts opening and closing, and then her face becomes a rictus. She takes a single step around the cart.

The scene once again cuts, this time to Michelle in her SUV still in the Walmart parking lot. Her eyes are back to normal. She looks angry.

Well, I almost fucking ate Tyler. That fucking kid. That fucking idiot kid and his idiot fucking dad. Who even lets their kid get on a bike in a store, let alone ride around on it like that?

I didn’t kill him. But I came so damn close. Fucking Tyler and fucking Tyler’s dad have no idea how close they came. Because I wouldn’t have stopped at Tyler. No fucking way. I almost lost complete control in there. It would have been all of them.  All of them.

Michelle pauses, her face blank. After six seconds she starts banging on the steering wheel with both fists, occasionally hitting the horn. She’s making sounds. They are not comprehensible. They are barely human. After twelve seconds of this, she stops. Her voice is very loud as she talks to the camera.

I almost had it! It was almost a success! I was so fucking close to getting out of there with all my shit, with all my control, and then this fucking idiot kid had to go and ride a God damned bike into a shelf! He fucked it all up! He ruined me! This is all his fault! His fault! HIS FAULT! God, I’m so-

Michelle cuts off abruptly. She fixes her hair while staring at the camera. You could describe her face as serene. You could also describe it as eerie. For the first time, there is something decidedly not human about the way Michelle looks.

I need to get out of town, or I’m going to kill every last one of these fucking assholes.

Video ends here.

Entry 10

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