The internet was specifically and solely invented to give people a place to react to popular culture. I’m simply doing my civic duty.
The Warped “Minds” of Corporations
They’re not really human so they’re impossible to understand.
A Character Actor Trapped in a Leading Man’s Body
Can YOU play Joe America? Or would you be cast as the quirky best friend because you don’t have a cleft chin?
My Favorites Pop Culture Things from 2022
Notable Mentions: The Morbius memes tricking Sony into re-releasing the movie and then it bombing again; Goncharov; and The Game of the Year Awards letting me know my 2023 is effectively shot.
Andor: Taking Fun Seriously
If I wanted to watch a bunch of twelve years olds losing their minds because they were holding lightsabers I’d go to Galaxy’s Edge.
Streaming Shows Need to Tighten Their Shit Up
Thanks to the internet we all have problems concentrating now so save the slo-mo horsey rides for someone who cares.
Oh No! The Mario Movie Might Be (Mostly) Good?
Is there still time to bully Nintendo into changing the voice of Mario like we did with Sonic’s face?
You’re Getting Florida Wrong: Hurricane Edition
When your whole town floods, you don’t have to worry about alligators or sharks. They’re chill. Worry about the Burmese pythons assholes dumped in the Everglades. They’ll fuck you up.
You’re Getting Florida Wrong
Hollywood: Every Floridian knows when you’re trying to pass off Southern California as Florida, okay? It’s the palm trees.
The Rings of Money
An untethered rant about high fantasy budgets.
Some Thoughts on 1996’s Independence Day
When someone asks you, “Is that glass bulletproof?” The correct response is, “No, sir,” and to immediately start firing at said glass.
A Variety of Opinions I Have That Don’t Deserve Their Own Column
Short thoughts on Stephen King, Reddit, the days of broadcast television, Star Wars, and a mystery bonus topic that is definitely not a flash grenade in a ball pit please don’t @ me.
Fantastic Beasts and Oh, Wait, No, I’ve Just been Informed These Movies Are About Wizard Nazis
Hey, kids! Want to watch fun adventures about a nice, competent man who works with magical beasts? TOO BAD. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, IT’s WIZARD NAZI TIME.
The Internet Can’t Keep It’s Fat Mouth Shut: Spider-Man Edition
Yes, I have Spider-Man spoilers in my rant about internet spoilers. No, it’s not ironic because I have warnings up. Do not proceed past the Spoiler Chocobo if you haven’t seen the movie.
The Batman Movie I’ve Been Waiting For
You know how you start a new job and you suck at it for a while until you get comfortable? That, but in superhero form.
Do You Taste Metal? Inevitability and the Emotions of HBO’s Chernobyl
Besides vaguely describing a scene in the first episode there are no spoilers present for the show. Unless you don’t actually know what happened in Chernobyl in the first place. I got around to watching HBO’s 2019 miniseries Chernobyl, and of course I went about it like an absolute buffoon. My husband didn’t want to…
Hot Take: Tony Stark is a Selfish Pissbaby, Actually
He spent most of that first Avengers movie jokingly trying to make Bruce Hulk out. Would he still be laughing if his attempts had actually worked?
The Best Dads in the MCU, Part 3
One’s a good dad but a better Dad Friend, and the other is not only the best dad but also potentially one of the best people? I don’t know, you decide.
The Best Dads in the MCU. Part 2.
Who’s a better dad than Frank Castle? Well, I mean, a lot of people, honestly. But specifically today we’re talking about two very FAR OUT dads.
The Best Dads in the MCU. Part 1.
You’ll Never Guess Who Numblarghabdlarhabdh. Sorry. I just threw up in my mouth a little. It’s Frank Castle. Frank Castle is number 5, come find out why.
No One Understands The True Meaning of Christmas Like Folgers Coffee
Christmas is for weird, pervy families, too, God damn it.
Things I Want From the Wheel of Time Show
Paul Rudd should be Tam Al’thor. Because Tam is basically one of the best people in the books and should be represented as such. Also, Lil Sebastian as Bella?
Midnight Mass and the Queen of Mean
Talking about a certain character from Midnight Mass. SPOILERS WITHIN, PLEASE GO SEE THE SHOW FIRST.
Netflix’s Midnight Mass: Nothing Good Ever Happens On an Island
Dissecting Midnight Mass, the newest horror series from Mike Flanagan. SPOILER WARNING, DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN THE SHOW.
Fuck It, Let’s Remake Sliders
Last summer, I made arguments that the shows Lost and Dollhouse deserved remakes, albeit with some major caveats. Lost needs a lot of work, but mostly that work consisted of ‘tighten that shit up.’ Nobody needs a whole God damned episode about how someone got their tattoos. Dollhouse mostly needs to be freed from the…
90’s TV: The End of a Terrible Era
Okay, so, what happened is that I wanted to write about remaking a 90’s show (spoiler alert: It was Sliders), but as I was writing it I realized I should explain how 90’s television functioned to people who don’t remember, and then that segment got way too long so here we are. Basically, 90’s television…
Shared Solitude
This is the story of how I almost cried at the movies. This is not the story of how I did cry at the movies, although those stories do exist and are, in fact, numerous. I didn’t use to be so emotional. I have to say I was a pretty fucking stoic teenage girl. And…
Hot Take: Movies Are Pretty Good, Actually
Fuck, I miss the movies. There seems to be this idea, among people who consider themselves casual movie watchers, that if someone says they are really into movies they must mean they watch sophisticated movies. Oscar nominations. Film festival indies. Black and white classics. Silent films. Like there’s an entire mahogany shelf in the middle…
Wanda’s AU Fanfic
Spoilers for the first four episodes of WandaVision. Proceed past the Spoiler Chocobo at your own risk. Listen, I have had a first class ticket to the MCU hype train since The Avengers. The only one of these things I haven’t seen in theaters is Iron Man 2, and I guess that Hulk movie from…
Evil Cosmic Entity Dressed as a Clown of the Morning
I’m ninety-eight percent sure everybody involved in this movie was high as balls the entire time. It Chapter Two is complete chaos. The director, Andy “What Are Frogs” Muschietti, has stated that he doesn’t want the second movie to be seen as a sequel, but rather the second half of a complete movie, like Kill…
The Next Right Thing
Spoilers for Frozen II. I like Frozen. I love Frozen II. And of course I love both of Elsa’s songs. “Into the Unknown” is a fun, energizing call to adventure, and I still have not gotten through “Show Yourself” without crying at least once, usually when she starts the duet part with her mother but…
Hereditary Might Have Done Permanent Damage
Fuck, I miss going to the movies. My husband and I love horror movies. It’s actually how we started dating. It Follows had come out and neither of us knew anyone else who wanted to see it, so we went together. It turned out to be the best movie to see on a first date,…
My Favorite Disney Remake
There isn’t anything left to be said about this new Mulan remake, and I haven’t even seen it. I pretty much checked out of the whole thing early on, once news came that they were stripping this new version of both “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” one of the greatest Disney musical numbers…
Someone Please Remake Dollhouse
Remaking Dollhouse is not the same as remaking Lost because Dollhouse is already a good show. Great, maybe. It was a two season sci-fi show that never seemed to get a lot of attention, potentially because everyone was still pining for Joss Whedon’s previous project Firefly, also unceremoniously cancelled by Fox who, just like your…
The Case for a LOST Remake
Just to catch everyone up real quick, Lost was a vaguely fantasy drama that ran on ABC from 2004 to 2010. It featured a cast of roughly three dozen people, shifting timelines, a smoke monster, ‘the others,’ a hippy commune that didn’t really seem to get hippies, a really concerning lack of communication, a never…
Crowd in a Theater Watching Snakes on a Plane
God, I miss going to the movies. Do you remember Snakes on a Plane? Jesus, what a weird one that one was. And I’m not even talking about the movie itself, just how it came out. The movie was exactly as advertised. There was a plane full of people, but that plane was also full…
World’s Best Grandma
I have no idea why I’ve become fixated on this, but I have, so here we go! Scott Lang, yes, “Mr. Ant-Man” Scott Lang, is a good dad. No, you know what? He’s a competent dad, and I think that’s the really important bit. Scott Lang is a Competent Dad. No. Scott Lang is the…
Will Smith and Aliens
In case you weren’t there, we as a culture were obsessed with aliens in the nineties. I don’t know how it happened, but I suspect it started with those douchebags in England who started laying down ‘crop circles’ with ropes and boards and then countless TV specials like Unsolved Mysteries and whatever the History Channel…
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High Urban Fantasy Jazz 