A Character Actor Trapped in a Leading Man’s Body
Can YOU play Joe America? Or would you be cast as the quirky best friend because you don’t have a cleft chin?
My Favorites Pop Culture Things from 2022
Notable Mentions: The Morbius memes tricking Sony into re-releasing the movie and then it bombing again; Goncharov; and The Game of the Year Awards letting me know my 2023 is effectively shot.
Andor: Taking Fun Seriously
If I wanted to watch a bunch of twelve years olds losing their minds because they were holding lightsabers I’d go to Galaxy’s Edge.
Oh No! The Mario Movie Might Be (Mostly) Good?
Is there still time to bully Nintendo into changing the voice of Mario like we did with Sonic’s face?
You’re Getting Florida Wrong: Hurricane Edition
When your whole town floods, you don’t have to worry about alligators or sharks. They’re chill. Worry about the Burmese pythons assholes dumped in the Everglades. They’ll fuck you up.
You’re Getting Florida Wrong
Hollywood: Every Floridian knows when you’re trying to pass off Southern California as Florida, okay? It’s the palm trees.
Some Thoughts on 1996’s Independence Day
When someone asks you, “Is that glass bulletproof?” The correct response is, “No, sir,” and to immediately start firing at said glass.
A Variety of Opinions I Have That Don’t Deserve Their Own Column
Short thoughts on Stephen King, Reddit, the days of broadcast television, Star Wars, and a mystery bonus topic that is definitely not a flash grenade in a ball pit please don’t @ me.
Fantastic Beasts and Oh, Wait, No, I’ve Just been Informed These Movies Are About Wizard Nazis
Hey, kids! Want to watch fun adventures about a nice, competent man who works with magical beasts? TOO BAD. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, IT’s WIZARD NAZI TIME.
The Internet Can’t Keep It’s Fat Mouth Shut: Spider-Man Edition
Yes, I have Spider-Man spoilers in my rant about internet spoilers. No, it’s not ironic because I have warnings up. Do not proceed past the Spoiler Chocobo if you haven’t seen the movie.
The Batman Movie I’ve Been Waiting For
You know how you start a new job and you suck at it for a while until you get comfortable? That, but in superhero form.
Hot Take: Tony Stark is a Selfish Pissbaby, Actually
He spent most of that first Avengers movie jokingly trying to make Bruce Hulk out. Would he still be laughing if his attempts had actually worked?
The Best Dads in the MCU, Part 3
One’s a good dad but a better Dad Friend, and the other is not only the best dad but also potentially one of the best people? I don’t know, you decide.
The Best Dads in the MCU. Part 2.
Who’s a better dad than Frank Castle? Well, I mean, a lot of people, honestly. But specifically today we’re talking about two very FAR OUT dads.
The Best Dads in the MCU. Part 1.
You’ll Never Guess Who Numblarghabdlarhabdh. Sorry. I just threw up in my mouth a little. It’s Frank Castle. Frank Castle is number 5, come find out why.
This is the story of how I almost cried at the movies. This is not the story of how I did cry at the movies, although those stories do exist and are, in fact, numerous. I didn’t use to be so emotional. I have to say I was a pretty fucking stoic teenage girl. And…
Hot Take: Movies Are Pretty Good, Actually
Fuck, I miss the movies. There seems to be this idea, among people who consider themselves casual movie watchers, that if someone says they are really into movies they must mean they watch sophisticated movies. Oscar nominations. Film festival indies. Black and white classics. Silent films. Like there’s an entire mahogany shelf in the middle…
Wanda’s AU Fanfic
Spoilers for the first four episodes of WandaVision. Proceed past the Spoiler Chocobo at your own risk. Listen, I have had a first class ticket to the MCU hype train since The Avengers. The only one of these things I haven’t seen in theaters is Iron Man 2, and I guess that Hulk movie from…
Evil Cosmic Entity Dressed as a Clown of the Morning
I’m ninety-eight percent sure everybody involved in this movie was high as balls the entire time. It Chapter Two is complete chaos. The director, Andy “What Are Frogs” Muschietti, has stated that he doesn’t want the second movie to be seen as a sequel, but rather the second half of a complete movie, like Kill…
The Next Right Thing
Spoilers for Frozen II. I like Frozen. I love Frozen II. And of course I love both of Elsa’s songs. “Into the Unknown” is a fun, energizing call to adventure, and I still have not gotten through “Show Yourself” without crying at least once, usually when she starts the duet part with her mother but…
Hereditary Might Have Done Permanent Damage
Fuck, I miss going to the movies. My husband and I love horror movies. It’s actually how we started dating. It Follows had come out and neither of us knew anyone else who wanted to see it, so we went together. It turned out to be the best movie to see on a first date,…
My Favorite Disney Remake
There isn’t anything left to be said about this new Mulan remake, and I haven’t even seen it. I pretty much checked out of the whole thing early on, once news came that they were stripping this new version of both “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” one of the greatest Disney musical numbers…
Crowd in a Theater Watching Snakes on a Plane
God, I miss going to the movies. Do you remember Snakes on a Plane? Jesus, what a weird one that one was. And I’m not even talking about the movie itself, just how it came out. The movie was exactly as advertised. There was a plane full of people, but that plane was also full…
World’s Best Grandma
I have no idea why I’ve become fixated on this, but I have, so here we go! Scott Lang, yes, “Mr. Ant-Man” Scott Lang, is a good dad. No, you know what? He’s a competent dad, and I think that’s the really important bit. Scott Lang is a Competent Dad. No. Scott Lang is the…
Will Smith and Aliens
In case you weren’t there, we as a culture were obsessed with aliens in the nineties. I don’t know how it happened, but I suspect it started with those douchebags in England who started laying down ‘crop circles’ with ropes and boards and then countless TV specials like Unsolved Mysteries and whatever the History Channel…
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