Humor

The hardest I have ever made someone laugh was when I said, “All these bubbles smell like my car that time I accidentally put windshield wiper fluid in my engine coolant tank,” and a dude walking by the other way literally stopped and doubled over.

Sir Alfred Quick, Knight Errant

Let me tell you a joke: What is the best day for performing knightly duties? Answer: Any day that ends in ‘y.’ Ho ho!

The Exo-Beast

Like you wouldn’t do the same damn thing.

Guard Duty

Remember: If you heard something, no you fucking didn’t.

Stupid Rich Asshole Went Shopping

The whole world was against him thanks to a conspiracy and definitely not because he hadn’t paid his taxes in…ever.

Fifth Anniversary

Some interruptions to a vacation are better than others.

Bloody Mary

Common sense is not so common, but it can come from anywhere.

The Founding Fathers

After decades of arguments about what America’s Founding Fathers would actually want for America, scientists did the impossible and brought them back. Here are some highlights from their interviews.

The Green Man

The teens are having an overnight camping trip at an abandoned summer camp, so you know what that means!

An Unknown Man

Alice does hope the man finds someone who knows him.

Reload From Last Save

Hero Chunk Dongle has some…interesting ideas on the afterlife.

Stupid Rich Asshole’s Stupid Moonbase

Here at EdiNile Industries, we are committed to putting man in a permanent habitat on the moon, and we’re doing it the only way we know how: grinding up the poor.

A Place of Honor

We can try our hardest to warn future generations, but if I know humans, I know it won’t work.

Time To Go

Do you think CEOs are expected to come in during the end of the world, huh?

Directions

Do you know the way to the train station?

15 MUST HAVES While Traveling!

Just a little bit of preparation can make your trip into the deepest, darkest jungles to find the mythic life elixir smooth sailing!

Stupid Rich Asshole

And his adventure solving the world’s problems with viral tweets.

Someone is Wrong on the Internet

Angry at someone on the internet want to vent the healthy way? Utilize your local Internet Discussion and Emotional Release Program today!

First Day at a New School

I’m starting to think I should make a series of these called Things I Wish the Main Character Teenage Girl Would Say Instead of Whatever Insecure Thing Actually Comes Out of Her Mouth So far, Kate’s first day at her new high school had been going…well enough. Math was a bummer, as always, and worse…

Which Witch

Deep in the Mortimor Woods and far off the Woody Path, but not too far, was a handsome, ugly cottage. Handsome because it was sturdily built, wood and nails and a low roof of shingles all coming together to create a small but cozy home. Ugly because the wood was the black of mildew stains,…

Magnates and Mirrors

Sir Lord Reginald Thwarpington Ramsbottom the third, lately of Hillshropshireforthdanwidthtonvillebourguponavon, was enjoying his morning rather leisurely. He had awoken in his giant bed and rolled over thrice to get to the edge and then gotten caught in the curtains, made of the very finest damask. Once he was able to cut himself down he put…

Haunting 101

Tucker Winslow – alive for twenty-six years, dead for three, employed by Here and Beyond Solutions for two and a half – was sitting on a crappy plastic chair in the breakroom, staring at the soda machine without really seeing it. The Sector 1248 break room shared a physical space with the break room for…

What’s in a Name

Stephanie rocked back and forth, back and forth in the chair her grandfather had carved, her eyes never leaving the baby’s in her arms. So sweet and little. So full of possibilities. He was only two days old and she already loved him so fiercely when she thought about it she wanted to break something.…

Translations and Synonyms

They landed their ship in some sort of field. The crop, according to their preparation materials, was called asphalt, and made for a steady landing. Apparently, the humans used this asphalt for the care and feeding of their primary motion animals, automobiles. It must have been very important, as it covered a great deal of…

Slow Burn

Ella turns around and sees Dean on the other side of the party, drinking a martini and talking to someone. He’s as handsome as ever, his brown hair brushed back and the physique of his arms trying to burst through his shirtsleeves and those eyes. Even from across the room she can see the way…

The Moth

A moth walks into a podiatrist’s office. The podiatrist sits her down and asks, “So, what’s the trouble?” And the moth says, “Trouble, doc? Trouble. I’ve got so much trouble I don’t even know where to begin. I used to have a job I loved, but I quit to take care of my older brother…

Your True Self

There once was a man who lived a good life. I mean, it was okay. Middle of the road. He had a family and he loved them. He had a job and he was indifferent about it. He had hobbies. He had just bought a new television. Things were mellow, things were fine. The man…

Teenage Dystopian Love

They stepped out of the darkness, bleeding and bruised and Renna’s ribs were definitely broken, but alive. They were alive. “Guys,” Molly said, still breathing hard and leaning on Johnny. “We did it.” For a few seconds, Renna only stood there. The cliffs in front of her. The cave behind her. The sun, hot on…

Anyways

Anyways, Spucky knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up forty minutes before his alarm went off because there was some kind of super being or some shit standing at the foot of his bed. It was tall. And, uh, it had hair. Like, you know, long hair. For a…

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