The hardest I have ever made someone laugh was when I said, “All these bubbles smell like my car that time I accidentally put windshield wiper fluid in my engine coolant tank,” and a dude walking by the other way literally stopped and doubled over.
This is very stupid.
After decades of arguments about what America’s Founding Fathers would actually want for America, scientists did the impossible and brought them back. Here are some highlights from their interviews.
The teens are having an overnight camping trip at an abandoned summer camp, so you know what that means!
Alice does hope the man finds someone who knows him.
Hero Chunk Dongle has some…interesting ideas on the afterlife.
Here at EdiNile Industries, we are committed to putting man in a permanent habitat on the moon, and we’re doing it the only way we know how: grinding up the poor.
Beautiful words can carry you through times of trouble and stress, and Dashboard Jesus is over here just dishing that shit out.
We can try our hardest to warn future generations, but if I know humans, I know it won’t work.
Do you think CEOs are expected to come in during the end of the world, huh?
Do you know the way to the train station?
Just a little bit of preparation can make your trip into the deepest, darkest jungles to find the mythic life elixir smooth sailing!
Turns out, stupid teenagers are a galactic problem.
And his adventure solving the world’s problems with viral tweets.
Look, I’ve got groceries to pick up in the morning and rent is due. I’m going to pretend I can’t hear the hero fight over my cheap headphones and that’s that.
Angry at someone on the internet want to vent the healthy way? Utilize your local Internet Discussion and Emotional Release Program today!
Tale as old as time…
I’m starting to think I should make a series of these called Things I Wish the Main Character Teenage Girl Would Say Instead of Whatever Insecure Thing Actually Comes Out of Her Mouth So far, Kate’s first day at her new high school had been going…well enough. Math was a bummer, as always, and worseContinue reading “First Day at a New School”
Deep in the Mortimor Woods and far off the Woody Path, but not too far, was a handsome, ugly cottage. Handsome because it was sturdily built, wood and nails and a low roof of shingles all coming together to create a small but cozy home. Ugly because the wood was the black of mildew stains,Continue reading “Which Witch”
Sir Lord Reginald Thwarpington Ramsbottom the third, lately of Hillshropshireforthdanwidthtonvillebourguponavon, was enjoying his morning rather leisurely. He had awoken in his giant bed and rolled over thrice to get to the edge and then gotten caught in the curtains, made of the very finest damask. Once he was able to cut himself down he putContinue reading “Magnates and Mirrors”
Tucker Winslow – alive for twenty-six years, dead for three, employed by Here and Beyond Solutions for two and a half – was sitting on a crappy plastic chair in the breakroom, staring at the soda machine without really seeing it. The Sector 1248 break room shared a physical space with the break room forContinue reading “Haunting 101”
Stephanie rocked back and forth, back and forth in the chair her grandfather had carved, her eyes never leaving the baby’s in her arms. So sweet and little. So full of possibilities. He was only two days old and she already loved him so fiercely when she thought about it she wanted to break something.Continue reading “What’s in a Name”
They landed their ship in some sort of field. The crop, according to their preparation materials, was called asphalt, and made for a steady landing. Apparently, the humans used this asphalt for the care and feeding of their primary motion animals, automobiles. It must have been very important, as it covered a great deal ofContinue reading “Translations and Synonyms”
Ella turns around and sees Dean on the other side of the party, drinking a martini and talking to someone. He’s as handsome as ever, his brown hair brushed back and the physique of his arms trying to burst through his shirtsleeves and those eyes. Even from across the room she can see the wayContinue reading “Slow Burn”
A moth walks into a podiatrist’s office. The podiatrist sits her down and asks, “So, what’s the trouble?” And the moth says, “Trouble, doc? Trouble. I’ve got so much trouble I don’t even know where to begin. I used to have a job I loved, but I quit to take care of my older brotherContinue reading “The Moth”
There once was a man who lived a good life. I mean, it was okay. Middle of the road. He had a family and he loved them. He had a job and he was indifferent about it. He had hobbies. He had just bought a new television. Things were mellow, things were fine. The manContinue reading “Your True Self”
They stepped out of the darkness, bleeding and bruised and Renna’s ribs were definitely broken, but alive. They were alive. “Guys,” Molly said, still breathing hard and leaning on Johnny. “We did it.” For a few seconds, Renna only stood there. The cliffs in front of her. The cave behind her. The sun, hot onContinue reading “Teenage Dystopian Love”
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